discovering

My heart has been through a roller coaster of emotions lately. Rarely do I get the chance to be just me. Alone. In my thoughts, discovering, wrangling, and calming. And I think that is where the confusion sets in, and the emotions run wild. I don't get a chance to tame them. Some of it has to do with me, trying to put some kind of order to the corners of what makes me, some of it has to do with him, trying to put some kind of order to us, and some of it has to do with my son. My little boy child. He has made me laugh, cry (and often), yell, scream, smile, love, spoil, and everything in between. And as the season has changed so has my son. He has become a whirlwind of emotions...maybe its seeping from me and latching on to him. I don't mean for it too, but I think we are both changing. I am discovering what kind of mother I want to be, what kind of wife, what kind of person. And he is discovering what kind of boy he wants to be. And its expected for both of us. It's the time in our lives where we all go through a change and we need to discover ourselves. Build another layer of foundation that makes up who we are. I'm on my 31st layer and he is on his 2nd. So while I'm trying to tame my jumbled mess and discover this new layer of myself, so is he. And it's causing some angst. And since patience is something I'm learning, it's been hard. He's 2...I can hardly expect him to be mature about the issue. So I've got to take the reins on this one. I've been trying to let him do him, to find out who he is and how to handle the jumbled mess so when this happens again he'll be ready for it. You'd think I was a seasoned pro, but this one is new for me, and new for him. And we are figuring this one out together.

from me to you {enjoy}